Overcoming Envy

No matter how hard you try to cover it with a smile, envy isn't something that goes away on its own. It can spiral out of control into destructive jealousy and even depression. So what can you do to curb envy before it consumes you? Learning to avoid comparing yourself to others, to feel more gratitude for what you have and practice tricks to reset your perspective can help overcome that seed of envy before it gets out of control.

1. 
   1
   Think about how envy harms you. How has envy impacted your life in a negative way? Maybe a long-term friendship is on the verge of dissolving because you can't pretend to be happy for your friend anymore, so you avoid her calls. Maybe you check your ex's Facebook page obsessively to glare at pictures of him and his fiance. Maybe you hate-read a classmate's photography blog, wishing you had anything close to his artistic ability. These are all examples of the way envy saps energy that could be better spent on something more positive. Envy might be harming you in the following ways:
   • Taking up your time
   • Consuming your thoughts
   • Ruining your relationships
   • Warping your personality
   • Creating negativity
2. 2
   Stop judging yourself so harshly. When you're envious of someone else, it often stems from feelings of personal inadequacy. You're focused on how someone else has the career, partner, possessions, or intelligence you want, and these desires are rooted in what you perceive to be your own shortcomings. Try to back down from judging yourself so harshly and you won't be as inclined to compare your situation unfavorably to someone else's.
   • For example, maybe you're envious of your friend's amazing career, which has taken off while yours is still in its fledgling stage. Try to be more patient with yourself - you'll get your turn in the spotlight if you just keep working hard.
   • Envy stems from being judgmental in general - thinking that this is better than that,and making your decisions based on getting what you don't have. Try to be more open minded instead of deciding that some qualities are good to have and some aren't.
3. 3
   Live by your own definition of success. Are you evaluating yourself and other people based on superficial ideas of what it means to be successful? Success does not necessarily mean having a big house, two cars and a high-powered job, or being so beautiful that people can't stop staring. Success is about finding out what life is best for youand living it to the very fullest. If you worry less about society's standards for success, and focus instead on what gets you going every day, you'll be less likely to fall into comparing yourself to other people so much.
   • Realize that it's ok to be at a different stage in your life than other people. For instance, just because you might not have the job or partner you want yet, doesn't mean you're any less of a person than the person you're envious of. Life is not a serious of boxes we all check off on our way to happiness. Everyone travels a different path, and no one's is more meaningful or better than anyone else's.
4. 
   4
   Channel envy into motivation. All that time you're spending wishing you could be someone else could be spent in a more positive manner. If there's something you really want, start taking steps - however small - toward getting it. There's nothing wrong with feeling a little competitive if it helps you achieve what you want in life. If you channel your envy into bettering yourself, you'll soon be distracted from feeling jealous - you'll be too busy feeling great about your accomplishments.
   • If you're envious of someone else's looks, start making changes so you can look your best, and work on appreciating your own beauty.
   • If you are jealous of someone because they have a possession you want, like a car, then start saving your pennies so you can eventually buy one of your own.
   • If you're envious of someone's accomplishments, double down so you can reap the rewards of your own hard work.
5. 5
   Realize you don't know the whole story. It might look like someone else has it all - the perfect boyfriend, great hair, straight As, you name it. However, there is always more to the story, because it's impossible for anyone to have a perfect life. If someone seems to have everything you want, chances are you have something they want, too. Don't put people up on a pedestal and grind your teeth thinking they must have been born under a lucky star. You may not ever know what their weakness is - after all, most people are adept at hiding their imperfections - but you can be sure it's there.
   • Hopefully a reflection on the fact that everyone has a weakness will be enough to satisfy you. It's not necessary to go digging to find out what flaws the person has! Rest assure there is something you aren't seeing. Try to put aside your thoughts of envy and focus on yourself.
6. 6
   Remember that others' success doesn't impact yours. Let's say that someone you know started a running regimen, lost 20 pounds and just completed her first marathon. Sure, the person made a great achievement, but there's nothing stopping you from doing the same thing! Your success in life does not hinge on someone else's. Whether it comes to finding love, getting a good job or anything else you want, you can have it, regardless of how successful someone else might be.

Info from WikiHow